No Pun Intended

“Riding bareback, especially when nude, is the ultimate foreplay.”

—Centerfold Marco Washington on his favorite hobby (horseback riding), Playgirl, December 1998

501 Blues

“If a company were to put up a Christmas tree adorned with miniature coffins wrapped inside an AIDS ribbon, the tolerance kings and queens at Levi Strauss would be screaming bloody murder. But somehow they think it’s OK to launch an attack on Christians. This proves that they are more than just bigots, they are plain stupid: To do this at a time of the year when sales are critical is irrational.”

—Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights President William Donohue on Levis’ failed bid to adorn a Christmas tree in Central Park with condoms for World AIDS Day, press release, November 23

Pot’s Love, He Delivers

“I have friends who have prescriptions for it.”

—Hip-hop artist Coolio on why police found marijuana in his truck, Rolling Stone, November 12

He Forgot the Sperms

“They got hermaphrodites, and they got herms and merms and ferms—have you heard of those? We thought they forgot to add the germs, the worms and the perms—right—they had to add those. The germs, who were they? They were the ones that had AIDS. The perms—they were the ones that already got the operation. And the worms—I think they were the ones already buried six feet under.”

—Christian Broadcast Network’s talk-show host Bob Enyart, Chicago’s Outlines, November 4